L. O. S. T.

It's midnight, and why i didn't go to bed ?
because i don't want to
if life works that way it's gonna be so easy *hoping*
yeah just forget it, i just want to accuse that i'm lost, i don't know where i should be belong
this new university life is a torture
i got many new friends and they are good, but still i feel something's not right here, i feel numb
when i lost my parent's affection now should i lost my best friend too ? my bf tika, she is busy now, and i'm wondering how about my parents ?  well many people thought that my father really care about me, yes he does, but i don't know why, that's just not enough now, i'm facing a huge changes now i need something more, or it is because i don't have mom ? well i have my own mom, but it seems like that she is not there, she is somewhere else, and i know definitely she don't understand a bit about me.
Is it my fault ? or hers ?
well. since i was a kid, i already experience a bad family situation, and they're almost divorce now, but not yet. usually it doesn't bother a lot i've used to it, but recently it stuck on my mind.  it's damn painful to keep this feeling for years, maybe i let it go now, i am totally tired of this shit, my life is very different from others, I HAVE A VERY WEIRD WAY OF LIFE and that affect my self MAKE ME WEIRD TOO. is it GOOD or is it BAD ? i have no idea