They tell me about a lot of things, about the world, but i guess they forget to tell me about me

Tonite i watch a movie
It called 'another earth'
This movie actually tell me a lot of things, yes a lot of things, not about things, other things, but about yourself, about life
I never think 'why i have to go to university?' before
Now i realise that for me, just me alone it actually okay if i don't go to university
Acquiring knowledge isn't always about desk, bench, lecturer and a place called university
You can always learn through reading, writing, watching ... living
I hate patterns
I hate rules
Get up every morning, go to university, have some lectures, do assigments, having some social interactions
I mean do you really have to do it?
I wonder how it will feels if i don't do it
It's like having some random days
I wake up, i go for a walk, looking around, examining people, and not having any social interactions
Eat whatever i got to eat, sleep wherever i got to sleep
Doing some jobs just enough for you to live, read and read, think and think, pray
I think i will got something, yeah something incredibly valuable after that
Yes i go to university
I study a lot of things
I study about the world and how it works
Knowing about how it works, does it means i need to follow the course?
So i came to think
I guess they missed something
They have missed to tell me about how to discover myself

Something doesn't worth writing

I thought i wouldn't write about you again cause in some points i think its useless and not worthy
I thought what people said is true that friedship never ends or there is no such a thing called ex-friend, but now i need to rethink about it
I thought our friendship is messed up
Now i am very angry to you for some reasons
Well i never thought this would be turn to be like this nor i expect it
I've tried my best to be a good friend honestly but seriously i couldn't stand you anymore
I consider this is already helpless
Now just live your world and i'll live mine
I've dissapointed enough and angry enough to make me don't wanna hear from you again
Now do whatever you want to do cuz i would not care anymore
And i thought it's just easy for you cuz i think you don't really think about me either don't you?
Remember? When i had my very bad and dark time then i all broke up and feeling so down, you are not even bother to ask 'is everything okay?' right?
So i think it will be okay
Sorry for my mistakes
I hope you are happy for now and then

A Note

I don't know if i really mad at you
I don't know if i really feel sorry for you
I don't know if i should regret what i've done
I don't know if you are mad at me
I don't know if you feel sorry for me
I don't know if you regret it
I don't know if i really care or not
And i don't know if you care or not either
I can't explain this kind of circumstances but i believe there is a cause for everything and everything happens for a reason
Now i am on the edge of the thread
I'll just sit and wait
I'll do nothing
Let's just see do you really care or not?

Untitled

I don't know where to start
What should i put in this writing first
My head is buzzing just like everytime i decide to write down something
Tonight is quite cold
29 degree celcius shown on my screen
And unexpectly today is also known as valentine day, but that is not really the reason why my head is buzzing or why i want to write down something
Today some people are just undescribly happy and other some are undescribly sad
I cannot tell for sure
But for me today is something
For hours until this last minutes to end this day, i've think a lot and realize a lot of things that i've never really thought before
Some are about people, emotions, friends, feelings, ego, love, god
I can't recall all of it but i can tell you for sure how i feel now
This is like a mixture of so many feelings
I can feel relief, sadness,anger, selfishness, happiness, sincerity, wiseful, peace
I feel like now i can really think about other's good
Now i can let go off something meaningful to me for their own good
Now i can think not just about myself
Everything happens for a reason
I can't change everything to be at my side
Smiling and crying at the same time not that because i am totally sad but because i feel so relief that i can realize things that i have never thought before
That i can think using a way that if never wonder before
I think that i am getting more mature and wiser for it
It's like passing another level in life
And i am also very happy at the same time to know that i can write this down and preserve this feeling for the rest of my life