So it was April 4th 2012 i found plan A and plan B, none of them is sweet

Dilema

Hati yang remuk terasa tak bertulang
Langkahku gontai tak tau arah
Berulang kali aku seka air mataku
Tak tahu sudah berapa tetes yang terurai
Malam ini sunyi senyap tak berbintang dan hujan
Sendiri kuratapi hidupku
Sebuah pilihan pahit terlihat menunggu di ambang jalan
Tak ada yang bakal bisa merasakan betapa sakitnya dada ini
Tak ada juga yang bakal tahu seberapa parah aku terluka
Hanya aku dan diriku yang bergulat dengan kenyataan pilu yang baru ku jumpai
Pikiran-pikiran tentang yg mungkin terjadi di masa depan mulai mengusikku buat ku susah bernafas
Tampaknya tak akan bisa tidur pulas malam ini
Aku tak mengerti apa yang kurasa apakah seharusnya aku marah ?
Tapi aku tak marah sama sekali
Yang aku tahu hanya rasa sedih yang tak berujung
Malam makin kelam dan hujan makin ganas
Akupun ikut tenggelam bersamanya
Bersama isak tangisku
Aku tak tahu aku sedang berada dimana
Aku tersesat tanpa secercah cahayapun
Aku memohon kepada-Mu untuk sebuah harapan

Aliran Sungai

Kadang ia mengalir deras.
Kadang ia hilang tanpa ara.
Terik matahari kadang tak sanggup keringkannya.
Bahkan hujan deras sekalipun tak tentu berhasil bujuknya tuk mengalir.
Namun ketika ia terisi disanalah hatinya perih.
Selalu ia disana, menunggu saatnya muncul.
Menanti saat kepergiannya bersama hembusan nafas yang terakhir.

Curcol

Wahahahaha
Udah lama ni gak berkabar :p
Bingung juga soalnya mau nulis apa padahal beberapa kali udah ada ide buat nulis tapi gak kesampean, yah soalnya temanya seperti biasa jadi gak tak tulis biar gak bosen juga terus sama tulisan gundah yang menyayat hati.
Ayo lo nulis apa dong ?
Sekarang ip-ku udah keluar (post sebelum) ternyata gak jelek yeeeey :D jadi aku gak nangis malah seneng karena ip-ny 3,87 hampir sempurna, tapi malah beban juga buat semester ini -_- semoga bisa ya tetep bagus nanti :D
Sampe sekarang aku belum juga produktif nih #curcol -_- Maunya belajar main gitar gak kesampean, males gak ad yg ngajar sama tune gitarnya, gambar gak ada inspirasi plus pasti gak bisa buat gambar yang lagi action pasti kaku :' kalo masak, lagi gak ada yg pengen dimasak, review musik plus jelajah dunia musik masih belum nemu band-band yg catchy sama seleraku, baca novel lagi males -_- padahal udah jadi admin di akun twitter @percy_indo masih juga males ngetwit ya gak fanatik juga ama percy sih .-.
Phew ~
Semoga nanti aku bisa gak males lagi dan gak moodan yah tapi memang ini karakterku sih :|
yah semoga ad sesuatu yg menarik hati hingga aku jadi lebih produktif yah :D

P.S. : yang baca bole rekomendasi kegiatan ato apapun ya :p

This evil always feed on my sorrow that make it enormously fat

"Bad days were gone and sorrow were fading" that was what i thought. But it wasn't true entirely. There are some momments that you could help of it's coming. When you knock yourself off there is a huge wave of bad memories, bad thought, bad suggestion are haunting you made you even more sick.
Maybe i sound like i am so frustrate and vulnerable, it might be, but it happen in just certain points that i cannot endure any longer. In my usual days, i act like everybody does, but when some problem got into me, i will be like this, all the wounds cracked open and start to be pain again. I know and truly realized that, this is not just a person fault and i shouldn't feel this way, but it's damn painful. It hurts a lot.
Well, i wrote this not to show that I am weak. I am not weak, I am not vulnerable and i don't want people to feel sorry for me. I just need a place to get off of this.
This is where i try to redeem my self. This is a story that would never be told to just anyone.
I knew for sure that the pains and the hurts would last until the problem is solved. When it happen only 2 possiblities remains, will it be better or worse even became more painful or less painful ?
Hope tomorrow's sunrise can make me feel better ~

Music, A Vital Role

Just felt inspired by a writing on my friend's bf blog. He just wondered how much music matter to your life. So interesting to me since my life also coloured by so many musics, i feel like music is a vital part of my life, it takes bunch of space on my ears, on my mind, on my life

Back to his writing again, there i started to realize that for a music lover although you have a very opposite taste of music or even a very similar taste of music, one thing i certain of is, you will think and feel the exactly same thing that "music is my drug" That is the fact that you couldn't deny.

People grow, learn and developed along with their very own personal tastes of music thus i am always believe that no music is wrong, everybody has their own tastes and i need to remember to appreciate their music how bad is it or how bad i dislike it but for one condition it is original not a plagiarism.

Remember back there, i totally addicted to music when i first met with Linkin Park and it happened when i was in 1st grade in junior high school, my former life was not so buzzed with music even i didn't have any special interest on music just following trend like the other kids do. It changed when i messed with my mom's music collection not to mention my mom a music addict and rock/hardcore lover but i don't get it why i didn't hear so many music when i was a kid *sigh

Mostly Linkin Park, Good Charlotte, Avenged Sevenfold and lil bit of Sum 41, Evanescene, Blink 182, Fall Out Boys etc make my days on junior high school :D It was sooooo fun. It felt soooo goooood to be with your lovable music collection everyday, although i know my music is weird and lil bit abnormal for girls but it doesn't change a thing. When i broke my speaker and couldn't hear Chester Bennington voice i got so frustrated, it meant that music does really matter to me, beside i would express a gravely gratitude to them because of mimicking them, always sing their song, remembering all their lyrics, search for what they want us to know on their song, the meaning of the lyrics make me able to mastered english until reach this level, i've been attended some english competitions as school's representative and won several of them without attending any special english course, that's all thanks to you guys. You make my days, you worth my life

Random

It was saying like this : @XSTROLOGY: #Gemini women cheer many up because they are free little spirits.
My answer :
But when you are broken or sad, a very few people can cheer you up, cuz you have your own world that nobody can easily get inside or nobody can exactly understand it, thats why some time i think and believe that happiness always comes from within :)