Make your days more useful !

Feeling and emotion, with none of them you'll never belong to this world.
These things are the pieces of your life puzzle.
But sometime these things may lead you to a very frustating situation.
Well i found this kind of phonomenas on my friends, many of them are confuse, frustate, mad and don't know about their feelings and its end up on a recent trend on teenagers called 'GALAU' and i don't even know how to called it in english -___-
Well i am not pointing out that galau is such a bad thing, but still you know, i am just feeling very sick when i express something and people asked me 'are you galau ?' it seems to me that the only feeling or emotion that exist in this world is just galau, oouugghh sucks.
Well then it lead me to think that people around me are being possed or suggested indirectly to experience galau because they like it or felt wrong if they don't feel it, this trend traps them in a always galau state oh ~
In my opinion for my own self that it is not necessary to feel it and even it is better to be not, and there are still plenty of feeling and emotion that can colour your life don't waste your time to just feel one among thousands.
In this life to attain a balance life is what people dreamt about, so that why you shouldn't let a feeling dominated your days. You need to feel all kinds of feeling and emotions: happiness, sadness, madness, anger, confusions, regret, dissapointment, funnest, tears and laughter.
So please think more rationaly and realisticaly this world created is not only to experince galau but there are a lot more than that :)

BELAJAR SEMAKSIMAL MUNGKIN

KALO IP-MU JELEK JANGAN NANGIS !!

One over thousands

Lay down and look up the sky. Tonight is such a beautiful night. A vision of a flawless and cloudless sky hang thousands miles away above me.
Something shiny caught my eye. It is a star, but it is different from the others, the usual star. This star shine with a blue light. One over thousands i guess. it is the first time for me to see a star that shone a blue light, i don't see it usually.
The star stand still blinking its amazing blue light to me, like she want to show her prettiness. It so awesome make feel that i've found my star and i don't doubt about it cause i'm sure it is :)
So happy today can see it :)
She is my fav star, a blue star just like my fav color :D

A world across my window

Hopeless Kid

28 november 2011
00 : 04

Tears down again
Soul ripped
A big hole inside
Hopeless struck
The decreasing trust
A whining child

Does her gonna pass this successfully while knowing that her biggest motivation is fading ?
Does her biggest fear of reality chasing her behind ? 
Afraid of it she close her door
She close her window's curtain
She hide inside her dark room, although she knew it would never help 

It keep coming
Haunting
Torturing
And hurting

The candle almost die now
What else gonna be light ? 

She keep trying to calm herself and accept it all
She knew and always believe that God is fair
Yeah she really does
And now she put her smile upon her face, her tear falls

Duality

When I asked my self "what kinds of things that you scared the most ?" my answer is "my self being an evil"

I like to watch horror movie but I rarely scared of it then it ends up on thinking what will scare the hell out of me and the imagine that appear in my head just me, my self with and evil smile upon my face, a fierce glare that looking into my direction and ready to tear me into pieces.

I believe that everybody even the holiest one has his own darkest side, the place where you will find the evil of yours. Maybe because i am a Gemini i tend to assume double life, one day i put on a cardigan and a tank top inside it, plat shoes and a hand bag but on the other day i put on a black t-shirt and a boyish outer a sneaker and a suspender bag. It also work on my character. Sometime i can be a very melodramatic person but then, i can be a very ignorant and heartless person. 

I am totally aware that i am not a fully good person but realizing that the scariest thing in my life is my darkest possibility make me realize that i have big will to be good and my worst enemy now is
"The Envious Me and The Selfish Me" 

Friends

Hey i'm back again i guess :p
When you feel all alone and there is nobody around you can count on yeah the answer is to write down ur feeling and your thought and it's mean a blog :p
Again, i told u i'm not even better than anyone in writing but i do this cuz i wanna :)
And now i don't even know what should i write :/ damn
I guees i wanna say some words on friends since i just done watching my high school videos covers with tears and laughter *lol
Making friends is a good stuff. To be a friend is easy. But when you should keep ur friendship that's hard. Maybe you know many people but just several of them you can rely on and you can be friend with. And i think i am one of the fortunated person to have such a wonderful friends back there and a very best friend although she is far now we still keep contact to each other :)
And do you know ? Right now i miss them A LOT.
I wanna do that freakin' stuff again. I wanna get mad, laugh, cry, feeling fooled, and whatever they've done to me and we experience together i miss them damn much ! It's been quite a while i didn't see them, make me wonder when we can meet again :) and i curse we have to meet each other again soon :)

Wounded

Hey, it has been a while
A mess in my life just happen
I am so dissapointed
I am so sad
I feel that i've been kick by a kick boxer on face
Many things, many changes happen lately
And it is fine but today is so shocking for me, i've never think dream and imagine that my father could be act and say something like what i've heard just now
You know what yeah i love my dad, i fully respect him, i do whatever he told me, for him i didn't go oversea to have college, i don't date, i let my nutritionist degree go, did you know those thing are so improtant in my life honestly but i do it all just for my dad, for my respect and gratefulness on him.
But why ? WHY ?
I don't understand why he can be so silly minded, just went to karaoke can lead you to drug ?
HEY !!??!!
I went to school for 12 years, did he think that i have no brain ? I have no knowledge about drug?
What that hurt the most is from that i start to think that my dad did not really know me, i've fully trust him on whatever but why can he give me a little of his belief on me? i'm not a kid

L. O. S. T.

It's midnight, and why i didn't go to bed ?
because i don't want to
if life works that way it's gonna be so easy *hoping*
yeah just forget it, i just want to accuse that i'm lost, i don't know where i should be belong
this new university life is a torture
i got many new friends and they are good, but still i feel something's not right here, i feel numb
when i lost my parent's affection now should i lost my best friend too ? my bf tika, she is busy now, and i'm wondering how about my parents ?  well many people thought that my father really care about me, yes he does, but i don't know why, that's just not enough now, i'm facing a huge changes now i need something more, or it is because i don't have mom ? well i have my own mom, but it seems like that she is not there, she is somewhere else, and i know definitely she don't understand a bit about me.
Is it my fault ? or hers ?
well. since i was a kid, i already experience a bad family situation, and they're almost divorce now, but not yet. usually it doesn't bother a lot i've used to it, but recently it stuck on my mind.  it's damn painful to keep this feeling for years, maybe i let it go now, i am totally tired of this shit, my life is very different from others, I HAVE A VERY WEIRD WAY OF LIFE and that affect my self MAKE ME WEIRD TOO. is it GOOD or is it BAD ? i have no idea

i call it "a confession"

hei blog ketemu lagi kita yak ? :P

ini pasti kerjaan si rick riordan, penulis percy jackson series setelah gue babat habis tu novel kemaren, gue digentayangin soal tulis menulis abis tulisanny diye cool banget gitu :/

yah biasalah gue nulis disini buat curhat doang, gua tau kalo gak ad orang lain yang bakal baca :p secara temen” gue yang tau blog ini ud pada lupa kayakny sama apa yg disebut blog.

yah sekarang gua uda kuliah, hambaaaaaar deh rasanya. blm ada yang berkesan semenjak gua mulai kuliah udah semingguan nih. gatau deh kenapa. gue kangeeeeeeeeeeeeeen temen” gue yang dulu setidaknya karna pengen becanda trus liat muke mreka yang aneh” gue jadi semangat sekolah.

Jujur aja ya ampe sekarang detik ini pula, gue blm punya gambaran yang jelas ttg apa yang mau gue lakuin dimasa depan. I have no interest or a BIG WILL to be such a certain person. Yang gue bayangin cuma cerita” fiksi yang gentayangan di pala gue *sigh* #abaikan. Kata orang ya “semua orang punya mimpi” kata orang juga “gantungkan cita”mu setinggi langit” tapi buat gue ! gue ! apa artinya kata” inspiratif bagi” orang” itu ketika kamu gak punya mimpi atau cita” ? miris banget gak sih gue ?

Gue masuk HI nih ya skrg gatau juga deh knapa ? karna gue bisa bahasa inggris doang kan ? karna judgement orang” gue cocok masuk HI yah masuklah gue di HI. Lo tau apa ? gue benci politik dan tetek bengeknya dan skrg gue masuk Fisip (fakultas ilmu sosial dan ilmu politik) ! nah pas deh penderitaan gue! 

Dulu waktu kecil gue mimpi gue bisa deket am alam jadi peneliti yang baik, jaga alam dari kerusakan trutama global warming gue punya impian buat dunia yang asri dan hijau. Gue mimpi bisa jelajahin laut, liat semua spesies biota laut jaga mereka biar gak punah karena itulah cita” gue waktu kecil adalah dokter hewan tapi gue lebih tau kalo gue lebih cinta alam bukan hewan jadi pelajaran favorite gue biologi trutama ekosistem. Nah sekarang knapa gue ada dalam keadaan yang gak mengenakkan kayak gini ? yang gue tau ya di Bali ini gak ad sekolah buat ngerealisasiin impian gue atau gue kurang info ttg sekolah itu dan gue GAK DIKASI sekolah keluar Bali. Nah disinilah gue temuin diri gue masuk k HI karena skill english, judgement orang, gengsi dan kemudahan (lulus tanpa tes soalny) gue gak sadar kalo gue udah bunuh mimpi mas kecil gue *nangis darah*

Menurut gue satu kesalahan fatal yang gue lakuin adalah gue gak dengerin hasrat hati diri sendiri. Gue takut kalo keputusan yg gue ambil di pandang sebelah mata am orang lain gue takut gengsi gue jatoh. gue gak usaha keras buat mimpi gue, gue cuma mimpi berangan-angan tapi gak pernah berpikir dan usaha to make it come true. nah sekarang gue nangis kejer karna ini, what a nice day !

oke i’ve decided ! i try this international relation for a year and decide do i stand it or run for something else =)

A glace of esema

Yah gak nyangka banget deh udah lulus esema trus skrg jadi anak kuliahan
Jujur masi gak tau apa"
Banyak pertanyaan dalam otak sampe lupa apa aja tu pertanyaan :p
Mungkin kira" kayak gini nih
"bisa gak masih kayak sma dulu ?"
"jadi anak kuliahan tu kayak apa sih ?"
"jadi anak kuliahan gue mesti nambah keren ?"
"trus masih bisa gak ngumpul am temen" sma ?"
"kalo kuliah ad gak yg mulutny panjang kayak kiwil ?"
"ada gak yang udah tua kayak denik ?"
"kalo paksi udah kuliah bisa diliat gak ap masih invisible ?"
Wkwkwkwk
Abaikan yg tak perlu :p

Gak kerasa deh petualangan gue di sma udah game over, padahal nih blog gue buat bareng ama temen" sma gue, pada ngehack blog temen, ad yg gak ngerti make blog, saling follow blog temen, di lab, komputer cuma secuil, ad yg 1 ber 2, ad yg 1 ber 3, ad yg 1 ber 13 :o
Hahahahahahah :p

Gue pasti kangen banget ama kalian guys :')
Temen" sma gue smua, trutama classmate gue di HIPERBOOLA
Lo semua pada gokil !
Bermacem-macem spesies gue temuin disana dari yang langka sampe yg dilindungi undang" :p
Tapi kebersamaan dan kekompakan kita yg paling TOP
Gak pernah gue ngrasa bosen sama kalian
You're the best :)

*temen" ad yg baca gak ya ? :p*

Reappear 2

Halo halo :D
Gak nyangka deh bisa ng-blog lagi :p
Akhirny sekarang dapet juga SNMPTN di HI Unud :D
Seneng banget :D
Gak usah ikut tes ini itu lagi :P

Now, i'm in the middle of a veryyyy looong holiday :p
4 bulan gan, bayangin !

Hahhahaaha :D
Before always want holiday, but now kinda bored of it :-/
I have nothing on progress :-/
Yeah hope soon i'll find out something useful to do :)

See u then :)

reappear :D

GILAAA !!!
uda lama banget ga ng-blog :D
yang anehnya lagi aku masi inget ama password nii blog, kirain uda lupa
lagi sibuk banget ni, buat persiapan ujian praktek, ujian sekolah, ujian nasional, snmptn, pmdk
pertama kalinya dalam hidup bisa begini deg-degannya
gak tau bakal lolos snmptn undangan apa engga T.T
pengennya bisa lolos langsung di HI UNUD ntar biar ga repot" lagi ikut snmptnnya
hahahaha biar nyante gitu
ini lagi nyari-nyari bahan buat ujian praktek tiba" mesti pake blog buat nyari (ga ngerti kenapa :P)
masa masa sekarang ni emang lagi jaman keagnya bingung-bingungan walo ud nentuin pilihan tetep aja masi ngerasa ga sreg, mungkin entar bisa bener-bener yakin :D hope so :)
well, that's all for this time, i'll write again soon, if possible :P